War and Peace: Picking the Better Path, or Why I am a Hindu

Recently, life handed me a bunch of lemons.  Then it handed me some more.  And then it handed me something else -- let's just say I was in deep without a shovel.  And of course, I came out on the other side no worse for the wear, and in fact I learned a very interesting lesson along the way.

By  nature, I am a fighter.  I don't roll over, I don't give up.  This has generally served me well in life, but as  I grew older I began to move towards a more balanced approach - one that incorporated a little acceptance now and then.   Before you go telling  me that these are opposing and contradictory ideas, let me just say that yes they are -- but that does not mean they cannot coexist!  In fact, implicit in the very concept of balance is the notion of two opposing forces!  But I digress.

For a while I had been on a very active roll -- taking a very active (not passive) approach to shaping the reality around me.  There were a few knocks along the way, but still I marched forth.  Until one day, the blow was just too hard, and it knocked me flat on my existential ass.  Being one to really learn lessons the hard way, I knew that this was my cue to give up the driver's seat.  "Ok Life, I give up.  Whatever you're doing, I'm done trying.  Peace, out."  Then after a few weeks of riding the tao like a leaf on a river, things become clear again and life is all rainbows and butterflies, and I move on.

This time was different, however.  This time the Universe continued to kick me while I was down, which is a really rotten thing to do.  Nevertheless, I picked myself up each time, dusted off, and continued in my acceptance.  After all, desire causes suffering, right?  Buddha would want me to just sit back and see what lesson came out of this, right? 

Every time I felt myself scratching  my way out of the hole, the Universe pushed me back in.  Finally, I had enough.  I said, "F**k this, Cosmos!  You wanna piece of me, bring it, bitch!"  And lo!  I instantly felt better!  And I've felt my old self ever since.

So what, you may ask, is the lesson?  It's that the way of peace and acceptance is a fine and worthy goal, but it may not be for all of us.  Yes, it has served me well over the years, but sometimes, you just gotta pick up that sword and go into battle.  Well, maybe you don't, but I do.

I reminds me of a story arc in Xena: Warrior Princess.  Xena and Gabby meet up with Eli, a man of peace.  Gabby ends up throwing her kick-ass staff into a river and vowing to give up violence.  A philosophical discussion ensued, regarding the path of peace versus the "Way of the Warrior."  Several episodes and adventures later, Gabby comes to realize that her path is not the path of peace but that of the warrior.  It's all about accepting your fate in life, otherwise known as dharma.

And this is why, several years ago, I realized I wasn't a Buddhist but a Hindu.  I can strive to achieve inner peace and all that, but ultimately I am a warrior.  Maybe in some future life I will attain Buddha-like acceptance, but not in this one -- no matter how hard I try.  To deny my dharma will only bring me further suffering.  As I Buddhist I would be expected to deny that dharma, to seek a higher way of living.  As a Hindu, however, I can accept that "fate" for this life -- while continuing to grow and evolve of course, but with less pressure. 

I had pretty much found a nice little balance for myself this way.  But recent events really highlighted the issue in a way I didn't expect.  The take-away message for me was this: it's ok to go with the flow and see if life is really going to bring something better your way -- but at some point it's time to get medieval on its ass. 

Journeys with Krishna, Or How I Became a Hindu

Someone recently asked me how long I'd been a Hindu.  Of course, the real answer is that one doesn't become a Hindu; you simply are one.  But, semantics aside, I thought it was an interesting question and found myself wondering.  I mean, I know when I started using the label, but when did I really begin walking the path in a full, true way?

Ironically, it happened when I tried to become a Buddhist.  Meditating on the teachings of the Dalai Lama, I felt a bit of despair.  How would I ever conquer (notice the choice of words) the warrior nature that flows through my veins?  How could I ever achieve the sort of peace that is needed to "truly" practice buddhism? 

Thankfully, my despair didn't last too long.  My recovery from a childhood filled with Christian ideas of denying one's true self (because we are all sinners and flawed) prevented me from being able to consider, in even the tiniest way, the idea of dispelling my warrior nature.  The idea was completely anathema to my beliefs.  So, that put a quick end to that.  But what then?

Concurrent with this rejection of self-denial was the development of my discomfort with the idea of focusing my life and energy on reaching enlightenment.  Partly because an extroverted, warrior gal like me isn't exactly the best candidate for a successful hermit-on-the-mountain experience.  But more than that, I came to see that it would be selfish of me to seek my own personal enlightenment when there is SO MUCH suffering on Earth.  How could I free myself while so many others can barely survive, much less think of esoteric spiritual matters?

These two ideas collided to form a new path.  First, no matter how hard I try, I am not achieving enlightenment in this life anyway -- so why try?  I mean that in the sense of, why try in the sense of the hermit-on-the-mountain?  The ideals I have chosen to live my life by assure that I will be reborn with greater wisdom the next time around, and that's ok with me.  I don't think life here is all that bad anyhow.  Second, I am who I am in this life because of my past lives.  I am a warrior because that is where I am on my "evolutionary" path.  To use Christian terminology, this spirit is a god-given gift and to deny it would be wrong.  So, I choose to embrace it.

This acceptance of who I am in this life, who I might be in the next, and the seemingly odd contradiction of Fate and Free Will are the quintessential hallmarks of Hinduism.  And so I began calling myself such. 

Then along came the Mahabharata, that vast Indian epic.  It contains many, many treatises on many, many topics (maybe this is why Hindu gods have to have many, many arms?) -- but a main foundation is the concept of dharma.  I'll let you go wiki that for the general definition of the concept.  But as it applies here, the Maha discussed the dharma of the Ksatriya class -- warrior kings.  This is a caste you seldom here about as an American studying Hinduism.  But in the time it took me to read the sentence, it had filled the void I'd been trying to fill all along.

Ksatriyas find themselves in a bit of a karmic conundrum: as somewhat enlightened beings they are supposed to rule justly and all that.  But as kings, they sometimes have to do warrior things like attack and kill.  Hinduism has, as it does for so many things, a tidy way of dealing with that: the Ksatriya dharma is to be a good king, and to sometimes kill in the line of duty.  To do otherwise would be adharma, which might be best understood by an American as bad karma. 

So here is my religion telling me that it's not only ok for me to have warrior's blood, but that I am obligated to act on that nature for the betterment of all people.  (ok I aggrandized a little, but you get the point).  And that exactly reinforced the ideal that I had already come to on my own.  So, as far as being a good Hindu goes, I guess I'm on the right path. 

I have long described my spiritual evolution as a journey to find the religion that matched what was in my heart.  I have always been a Hindu;  I just didn't know it.